May 15th, 2009
May 9th, 2009
Why do I make promises I know are too hard to keep?
And then force myself to keep them so somebody else won't be disappointed?
I can't purge anymore.. But I need to.. I hate this.
May 4th, 2009
I won't wake up again.
I'm sick of seeing pictures of me....huge.
Not kidding, fucking HUGE. I'm the obese teenage poster child and I want out of my role.
Fasting like a bitch.
I break it.....I don't know what will happen.
I'm keeping myself busy with school/drama/planning my boyfriend's birthday.
Anyone in the U.S who can call/I can call would be simply AMAZING,
I can call long distance.
Don't leave your number on here, but send it in a message with times when I can call...
Having someone to talk to on the phone helps me a looooot.
Stay strong. <3
May 3rd, 2009
I just want everything to be okay and work out.
Today was not very good. I ate quite a lot of fruit and had a ryvita with a teaspoon of tuna pate for tea. BUT i had a packet of chocolte drops for cooking that i found cuz i was craving.
I think if i plan what i eat it will be easier to restrict cuz im trying not to purge cuz my teeth arent v. good. i didnt today tho :) even tho i wanted to cuz i felt sick.
SO. my plan is im allowed to eat as much fruit and veg. up to 500 cal a day for everything. but thats my lmit most days anyway. (within reasons some fruits are just nogo) but celery and lettuce is like no calories cuz its water ;P im not going to eat fats which i dont really anyway (- the chocolate today).
i can eat dairy in smoothies but only low cal yoghurt of skimmed milk. and i can have a rivita and tuna pate for dinner occasionally. no bread. minimal carbs i.e. potates.
thats about it i think :)
luff ya. xxxxxxx
May 2nd, 2009
Went jogging today and plan on massive workout tonight..
So Kim and I are aiming for this to be a small community where everybody knows everybody else. Wanna-free and troll free. We will try our best to keep it this way.
Today I had a small bowl of soup and 2 slices of brown bread, then a small portion of potatoe and veg for dinner and half of a dairy mild caramel bar later on. Not too bad, I guess. Then add all of the calories from the drink I had. Aha.
How was everyones dayy?!
So we made the brownies and i had to take 'mine' home and i ate one and felt reallly sick so i threw up. But parents have gone out so im not eating dinner they made me. ill just throw it up and im worried about my teeth... ugh.. :/
I really hope it is alright for a boy to join here? Maybe.
My stats are horrible,
won[t post them now.
I've been struggling on and off with my ED for 2 years now.
My GW is 100.
Inspiration: My boyfriend.
How fucking horrible is that?
He isn't even 100 pounds, but then again he is taller.
I'm pretty short.
I'm craving food right now SO bad,
but I'm making a new rule for myself.
I'm not eating unless it is prepared for me, which is usually supper.
I'm a vegan, so whatever is there for dinner that I can eat and people make for me..I'll have.
It works good for me.
I'm busy enough with school, drama club, and friends.
I don't want this anymore.
I'd rather be dead at this point.
im steph, from england, and 17
ive stugeled with my weight since about 11 and i developed ED-NOS about 2/3 years now.
I thought i had fully recovered about a year ago...but i kept gaining weight, i gain really easily and i was scared to diet incase i started this off again but then i had shit start in my life which kind of fucked everything up and now im back here again.. i relapsed fully about 3/4 weeks ago =(